I forget

I forget - I forget a lot.  I don't know if it's my age, ADD, busy-ness or preoccupation with other things.  I can tell at times it troubles James.  At least that's my perception.  I had a dream this morning and when I woke I felt like crying.  The dream felt very real or at least like something that could happen.

Maybe it's because I mentioned going on vacation in the last blog that I dreamed of staying in a hotel.   In my dream James and I had already checked into a hotel and found our room, and then, for some reason, gone our separate ways for a few hours.  When it was time for me to return to our room I couldn't remember our room number or what floor we were on.  Instead of going to the reception desk I called James on his cell phone.  I don't really remember the whole conversation but I know I kept trying to explain to him that I didn't pay attention when we went to our room and that I just couldn't remember the number.  He got frustrated and told me (because I kept repeating myself) that I sounded like the same person again and again, which was his way of telling me to stop repeating myself, I guess.  He was angry and that made me very upset and desperate because I couldn't help that I couldn't remember.  Actually, typing this still makes me recall the feeling and could make me cry if I let it.  It was such a horrible feeling.  I feel like I can imagine what an Alzheimer's patient might feel like when they first discover they're ill. 

I told James my dream when we got up.  He said, "that doesn't sound like me".  He's right, he would never treat me like that but it didn't make the dream feel any less real.  I love the book, The Notebook, by Nicholas Sparks, even though it's very sad.  I've seen the movie a few times and it makes me cry every time.  I have told my friends, "James would do that for me".  I really think he would.  He once wrote a poem (I'll have to see if he can find a copy of it and post it here) about a forgetful woman.  After I read it I asked him if he was worried about me.  I can't remember what he answered but he probably said no and smiled.

One thing I can tell you, If we stay in a hotel anytime soon I'm going to write the room number down.  But how will I remember where I wrote it?